forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
