im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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