from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
