I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
