i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
