end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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