i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
