I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
