The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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