her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
