and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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