Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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