Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
