Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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