Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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