he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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