CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
