i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I believe in your delicious
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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