Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
