so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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