I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
