She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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