Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
