can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
