If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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