do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I believe in your delicious
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
