The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
