Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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