True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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