Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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