4 words: hood of his car
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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