Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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