At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
