I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
