I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
