my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
