She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
