he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
