Kiss
Puke
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
