Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
you made out with another girl for some wings
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
