duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
