I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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