home. puking in laundry basket.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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