his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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