Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Someone came in the potted fern
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Panties = found
Randomize
