I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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