people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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