if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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