you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
