As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm at about main and main street
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
