I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
