I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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