its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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