Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
