He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I currently don't understand fingers.
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