dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
