Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
