remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
