i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
