guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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