got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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