my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm always down for nudity.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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