She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
