You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
