I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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