hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
