Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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