i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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