I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize