It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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