I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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