thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Did you just see the Batmobile???
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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