Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
